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In this subreddit , you will find today match prediction for cricket match including big bash ,ipl and other international matches . We will share our best free cricket betting tips ( CBTF ) for fun purpose and testing our skill . You will also get live cricket match predictions and other session tips here. Everything will be free .No need to pay any tipster.
Original Post got moved for having a referral link, dropping the text of the review sans referral link here. Hope anyone considering mint mobile finds it helpful. ------------- Most people don’t question a hefty Verizon Wireless bill. The coverage and network quality have been industry bests for years and so the “You Get What You Pay For” mantra kept my family entrenched for 13 years. Verizon recently provided semi-deceptive sales tactics and indifferent customer service prompting an exploration of the options. Not surprisingly cheaper plans abound, so the question is…do other service providers provide ‘good enough’ quality to go along with their too-good-to-be-true price points. Verizon did eventually make things right, but not until after hours on customer service chats and phone calls getting bounced between numerous Verizon associates. So like a slow rolling boulder loosened from it’s centuries-old resting place, my complacency had given way to a momentum pulling me from the “Can you hear me Now” network. So where does one start if contemplating a change from the biggest, arguably best and most expensive cellular service? First let’s discuss key industry dynamics.
The Big Players – Verizon, T-Mobile and AT&T who own their towers and networks. They invest in brick and mortar stores and offer discounts on new phones which they can do as their plans are expensive. You may notice Sprint is not in this list which is due to them merging with T-Mobile in the past year.
The MVNOs – StraightTalk, Cricket, Mint Mobile, and a slew of other services buy time, in advance from the big 3. There are many names for these carriers, most are MVNOs (mobile virtual network operators) and they buy data and voice/text time at wholesale rates from the big guys. They save costs by limiting or not having Brick and Mortar expenses and getting discounted rates from the big networks through paying in advance for the bandwidth they will consume. These companies offer what are typically called Prepaid plans.
MVNO Alternatives – The biggest is Google Fi, they have MVNO elements where they buy time from other providers TMo and US Cellular, but they also have invested heavily in wifi hotspot technology that avoids using data on cell networks wherever possible. Google Fi is not prepaid and you pay a prorated consumption amount for data. If you use little data each month, this is likely the cheapest big name option. But the cost can approach the bigger players if consuming a lot of cellular data. It’s definitely worth a look though if you want to cut costs and they now support most of the major smartphone brands.
Second, each company has their own distinct features. The importance of each differs on one’s personal preferences.
Wifi Calling – This is critical for me. Living in the middle of a large neighborhood with few towers, our Verizon signal is always weak and so it’s necessary that I can place calls over our high-speed internet. Wifi calling, if you have strong internet, is clear, doesn’t break up and bridges the cell network gap when you regularly get 0 to 2 bars. And anywhere you get Wifi in the world, you can make calls and send texts. If you aren’t using it, this could be the easiest way to improve call quality from home, assuming your service provider offers it (the Big 3 all do, some of the MVNOs do not).
International Service – Cell savvy travelers will say, “just order a temporary SIM card for international calls and data,” and I’m sure that works, but I hate the idea of dealing with a new number and other difficulties that come with switching a SIM card. So I want to be able to get calls, texts and a limited amount of data when I travel from the same number I use in the States. Some of the cheaper MVNOs don’t offer international options and while I’m not a frequent traveler, we do travel enough to make this feature a necessity.
Hot Spot – Ability to turn you phone into a Wifi access point, connect PCs and tablets and then use mobile data to provide internet. A common feature on more expensive plans and a necessity for consumers that need to keep their laptop connected while on the go.
Bonus Perks – If you are trying to get the best value possible, going with the service that provides one year of Disney+ may be a sign you are paying more than you need to, however there are some great perks out there like T-Mobile’s free minutes and data while flying on many major US Air Carriers, which would be a colossal deal for frequent travelers.
Brick and Mortar Support – If you don’t like messing with Tech, having the option to walk into a store and have an associate fix your problem is a compelling reason to stay with one of the big providers.
Payment Plans and Contracts – Almost all MVNO’s require pay-in-advance (PrePaid) and some require bulk purchasing 3, 6 and 12 month packages to get their best rates (Mint does). While I don’t see much risk in prepaying for a single month’s service, prepaying for 12 months brings risk as it’s unlikely you can get the money back in most scenarios. Contracts are the big guys way to lock your money into a promise-to-pay plan. Unless receiving a free or deeply discounted phone, I like to avoid contracts on the Big 3.
Data Sharing Plans – Ability to pay for a set amount of data and share it between 2 or more lines, usually on a family plan. If a service doesn’t have data sharing, you will need more total data across all phone lines than what you’d need in a shared data plan to satisfy a family’s demand. As an example, we were on a 5GB shared data plan and would likely need 2.5-3GB per line if switching to a non-shared plan to ensure we don’t hit our data caps.
Lastly, let’s not forget Cost. After considering features and soliciting friends’ opinions about T-Mobile’s network (which weren’t great by the way), I found a plan that was too inexpensive not to try. Mint Mobile is an MVNO that piggybacks on the T-Mobile network. I’m trying their 3-month trial plan that provides unlimited talk/text and 3GB of 4G/5G data per month for $15/mo. They offer Wifi Calling, options to purchase International Prepaid Credits and had the cheapest plan I found along with many online reviewers calling them a top MVNO. I don’t want anyone unhappy from something I recommend, so below are pros & cons to review before considering a switch. If you’d like to try it out, you can save $15 off their three month trial, which costs $45 paid in full ($15/mo) for the 3GB data plan before the $15 credit. If you need more data there are other offerings; $60 ($20/mo) for 8GB, $75 for 12GB and $90 ($30/mo) for the Unlimited data plan. I’ve also only been using their network for 3 weeks now, so your results may vary, but since the plans are cheap and you can bring your current phone, there is little financial risk to trying them out as long as you aren’t currently on a contract. PROS
Price – Bottom line first…Mint will save my family over $840/yr if we switch all 3 of our lines over. With 3 lines on Verizon and 5GB of shared data we paid well over $115 a month. Mint doesn’t do shared data, but 3 lines with 3GB data each (9GB total) costs $45 per month. Less than 40% of the cost of Verizon.
Strong City Coverage & Respectable Network – T-Mobile, once the 4th biggest carrier, is now 2nd after merging with Sprint. T-Mobile’s network has been a couple bars stronger inside grocery stores and buildings than what I would get from Verizon in my town. This will vary based on your locale, but in Richmond, the coverage is great. I’m not certain if Mint uses the acquired Sprint towers but you can find the Mint Coverage Map Here. Full disclosure, I found Mint’s rural coverage on the map to be optimistic, see the Cons section below.
Wifi Calling and Texting is Available – If you have strong internet at your house or in a hotel, you don’t need to rely on cell signals. Turn on wifi calling for clear VOIP-like calls over your cell phone. Not all MVNO providers offer wifi calling.
Low Risk Trial – if you want the $15 credit you’ll have to add a 3 month plan at discounted rates. I tried the 3GB plan for my line at $45 over 3 months. If I hate it, I can port my number back to one of the big providers and take advantage of ‘New Line’ incentives that I wouldn’t have gotten from Verizon otherwise. With the referral you can pay as little as $30 for 3 months.
No Risk Trial – if you want to forego the $15 credit you can buy a trial sim card kit off Amazon for $5 or less which will give you a weeks service to test the network for yourself. I tried this initially but I didn’t like that I couldn’t try out the full service (Wifi Calling, logging into a Mint account) and I didn’t like having a temporary phone number no one knew. I upgraded after 4 days.
International Roaming – No, it’s not free, but it is available. You can buy international roaming credits to use international cell networks. For an infrequent international traveler, this is perfect as I’ll mostly use Wifi calling, but want emergency minutes on hand for the unforeseen.
Hotspot is included!
Phone Customer Service – I’ve called 3 times, never waited more than 3 minutes to talk to someone and they are helpful. A phone agent walked me through the number porting process, telling me how to start the port process on Verizon’s website with expert knowledge of Verizon’s website.
No Data Overage Fees or Hard Caps – If I use more than 3GB of 4G data, no problem, Mint just slows me down from 5G/4G to 3G and then in theory I have unlimited 3G. If I need more cowbell then I can buy another gig of 5G/4G at $10 or 3 gigs at $20.
Network Data Speed – I haven’t tested Mint’s 5G, but I’m getting full 4G LTE download speeds when I have 3-4 bars. 5G is a jaw-dropping evolution, but I’m doubtful the average user needs it, so I’m foregoing the expense of a 5G phone until the technology becomes ubiquitous. But for those that own phones for 4+ years and are buying soon, it may makes sense to go with a 5G capable device.
Bring Your Own Phone – most all modern phones work on the network. Androids, Iphones, etc, if you have a phone that is 3yrs or newer, you likely won’t need to buy a new phone and the website will tell you if you have a compatible phone. Setup on my brand new Pixel 4a would have been terribly easy (had I not screwed it up), plop in SIM card, turn on and everything would have worked. Setup for my older Pixel XL (first generation) was trickier…see the Cons list.
Ryan Reynolds – Mom and Dad love that campy Canadian, so they aren’t giving me grief about cheaping out on my cellular plan, since he owns the company.
Initial Setup Complexity – This isn’t a whopper of a con personally as I’m a gadget geek, but this could be a tremendous dissatisfier for many. Upon initial setup with my first generation Google Pixel phone, I had to go deep into phone settings and configure a new ‘APN’. I’ve never done this before and I imagine Verizon would do this automatically. If you don’t set up the APN correctly things like wifi calling or MMS texting (group, image, gif text) will not work or worse yet, the phone won’t get data or calls at all. An internet search showed that there are 4-5 APN configs out there that customers use for different older phones. If any trouble setting up, don’t solve it yourself, call the phone contact center at (213) 372-7777 from a different phone and have them walk you through it. There is good news for owners of new phones as I acquired a Pixel 4a after joining Mint, and the out-of-the box APNs that came on the SIM card worked flawlessly. Unfortunately I was overthinking it, and tried to follow the same setup process from when I configured the first-generation Pixel APNs when I should have let it just work out of the box. I wasted a morning until I finally went to Mint’s chat channel and they guided me on how to get back to the defaults I should have used in the first place. In short, if you aren’t a fan of working with customer service remotely to dial in the functions of your phone and you have an older phone, Mint may not be for you.
No Brick and Mortar Stores – This is a key way Mint passes savings onto the consumer. If you have a problem you must use their chat agents or their call center and can’t walk into a store for help.
Prepay in Full – To get the absolute cheapest price after the 3 month intro rate, you’ll have to prepay for 12 months. For me this will be $180+taxes ($15/mo) for a year of 3Gig/month 5G/4G cell service or $240+taxes ($20/mo) if you want the 8GB plan. You can also prepay in full for 6 months or in 3 month increments, but the shorter duration prepays increase the monthly cost $5 and $10 respectively. If my 3 month trial goes off without a hitch I will purchase 12 months in full.
Deprioritization – Since Mint buys coverage from T-Mobile when T-Mobile cell towers are overloaded, TMo reserves the right to slow data speeds for Mint customers to prioritize their direct customers. I haven’t experienced this yet and if my data slows down infrequently, I don’t see that as a huge deal, but it could be for anyone who’s phone is symbiotically growing into their hand.
Rural Coverage – on a drive from Richmond to Boonesboro, MD, there were a number of dead zones on the country roads 20 minutes outside of Richmond and before Culpepper. From Culpepper, VA to Boonesboro, MD Mint had great coverage. I was driving these scenic byways while using a trial SIM card, and so maybe it’s possible the trial SIM accessed fewer towers, but I can’t be certain, so for now I’m going to assume the coverage map is optimistic. My wife’s Verizon phone had service in most of the rural areas, and only a few dead zones. Rural coverage is one of Verizon’s key strengths and a reason to keep their service if you live outside the burbs. Interestingly I’ve found several cases where Verizon’s suburb/city signals are weaker within buildings than T-Mobile’s (Mint Mobile).
OTHER SERVICES CONSIDERED
T-Mobile – now that I’ve tested their network, I’m happy, but they will be more expensive than Mint although cheaper than Verizon. I recently saw a stat that said T-Mobile’s network covers 64% of the US and Verizon 73%, but don’t remember where. Cost difference between Mint Mobile and T-Mobile was too great to choose anything but Mint, but if I was a frequent flyer, their perks with minutes and data in the air would likely pull me into the fold. My daughter is crushed that she won’t get to take advantage of the free upgrade to an Iphone 11 deal on TMo at the time of writing this review.
Google FI – Now supporting non Google phones and iPhone. Potentially they have the best coverage of all plans as they contract with several major networks. If you aren’t a heavy data user, Google Fi will also be fairly inexpensive. Not as cheap as Mint, but if you want that sweet spot of low cost and great coverage Google Fi may be the best bet if you aren’t data hungry. Fi charges $17 per line (at time of this blog) and a pro-rated $10 per gig of data used, so heavy data consumers would pay a lot on Google Fi. But people that keep data usage to less than 2 gigs a month can expect to pay less than $37/mo per line.
AT&T – I didn’t look for long. The prices are equivalent to Verizon and their coverage is nationally the worst out of the big 3. I have an AT&T hotspot in our car and can confirm it drops out more frequently than what I’ve experienced on Mint in Virginia. So not paying the same as Verizon to get less.
DATA SAVING TECHNIQUES TO REDUCE YOUR BILL
Obvious 1: Keep wifi on as often as possible.
Obvious 2: Don’t stream video or do extensive web surfing on your cell phone if it can wait until you are on wifi, and less face it, it can usually wait.
Turn on Wifi calling as for some providers this also prompts your phone to send data-using MMS (group) messages over wifi, saving cell data.
Android phones have a data saver setting, you can turn this on to keep apps from running in the background. But it might also delay notifications from apps that need background data to do their thing.
In settings there is usually a networks section where you can click on your cell provider, see how much data has been used this month and further drill into finding apps that are using the most data. Configure non-essential apps to not consume data in the background. Be careful not to do this for an app that is required to operate the phone.
Chrome and many apps have settings to disable videos and audio from playing automatically, turn these auto-play settings off, if you can find them.
Google Maps has an ability to download over wifi the map for a big section of most states. Downloading your region will enable Maps to use less data.
YouTube and other video services usually allow you to downgrade video quality to 240p which is plenty good for cell phones and should use over 60% less data than 480p videos if you are hell bent on using a cell phone as a TV off of Wifi.
I’m happy with Mint Mobile’s service after 3 weeks. If you live in a big town or city, it may be a really good fit to save money. I wish I would have called their customer service when I initially had setup issues, rather than trying to figure it out myself. You should bring a phone and Mint Mobile doesn’t offer cell phone discounts but does appear to offer payment plans. If you need a new phone and don’t want to break the bank, you can’t go wrong with the Pixel 4a or Pixel 4a 5G coming out soon. And now that I’ve made the switch I don’t anticipate going back and spending more, but we’ll see if there are gotchas waiting in the wings.
[First] [Previous] [Next] "So...you can't talk?" The cat person shakes his head yes. All the while, he's just staring at Kojo. Is he...rare or something? "Look, I understand that Kojo's a little big, but he can't help that. It's just who he is." Kojo's eyes open and he gives a nod before closing them back up and falling asleep. Or at least I assume so. It's difficult to say if plants actually sleep or not. The little guy shakes his head before frowning a little bit. I feel the ground shake under me, as words are once again spelt out. 'It's not that. Well, maybe partially that. I'm just wondering how you keep him around. You say you haven't tamed him, and yet I cannot think of an animal that's stuck around a specific person for this long, unless they raised it.' I turn my head away from the ground and stare across the campfire to the person. "Well, turns out since I saved his life, he feels like he has some sort of life-debt thing he's got to pay back. I personally don't understand it all that well, but I've accepted it.' The cat nods before once again gesturing to the ground next to me. 'I won't ask about it, in accordance. If you're willing to tell me, I'd bet it'd be quite the story.' I look back up to find its eyes shining. Accordance with what exactly? "What do you mean? In accordance with what? Is there some sort of 'Law of the Road'?" At this, I can noticeable tell his fur bristles. His head tilts up towards the evening sky as he sighs somewhat raspily. The ground shudders. 'Then either I'm your first contact outside of your own tribe, or other people have been quite distasteful towards you.' Huh. "Well, you are the first person I've met since I escaped the caldera." There doesn't seem to be any noticeable change in him other than the slow tilt of his head downward. He meets me eyes as I can feel a shiver in the earth. 'Are you a monster?' Monster, huh. Guess that might be what they call those weird animals in there. "You don't have to worry about that. I was not born there, simply brought." At this, his posture relaxes before his bushy eyebrows tilt in confusion. 'You were brought there?' "Yeah, I was sleeping in my bed after a bad night out drinking. Next thing I know, I wake up in a cave with growls in the distance wearing nothing." 'It seems to me like you were a part of an elaborate prank to me. Some life-friends tend to do that.' "Nah. Most friends I've had all left me a while back. Those who didn't mostly kept to themselves." 'Hmmm. Quite a conundrum. If I had any suspicions, I'd say it was the work of the gods.' Gods, huh. So appearing out of nowhere isn't common enough that a merchant knows tales of it. Seems to me like asking him questions might be my only way to get somewhat true answers around here. "Well, if it's the work of the gods, I better get some answers to that. Do you know where a temple or church might be around here?" The cat person points back the way I came. 'Around 3-4 days travel that way to get to the nearest city. Might be a village or two along the path, but otherwise nothing else. I could accompany you, if you'd like.' My suspicion rises to meet the occasion. "Why would you do that?" 'Call it a moral obligation or simply tradition.' Stranger and stranger. Wait, I could ask all my questions! No! Stop, work your way to that. It's not like you're going anywhere. "So, you are a merchant, correct?" The cat nods. "Would you happen to sell any clothes?" Their eyebrows furrow before he stands to his feet and walks over to the cart. I wonder. [Analyze]
Name: Marwall Cregain Race: Bast Class: Merchant; Lv45 Titles: Mute Man of Character Forlorn Forsaken Level: 55 HP: 4675/4675 MP: 756/756 AP: 10000/10000
Holy shit! Why does he have so much HP and AP? Damn. I'm a long way away from even reaching the standards of a normal person, aren't I? Umm...crap this is bad. If I get into a fight with him I'm done for, even if he's lower leveled. It's a good thing I figured out he was a guy, though. Otherwise that would've been awkward to ask. I hear a rustling from his cart. I look over to find that the armadillo cow was woken by the noise too, but he just puts his head back down and munches on the grass. Then, the cat, wait I know his name now, Marwall emerged. His return almost seemed holy in a way. Maybe it was my lack of decent communication. Maybe it was just me being away from civilization, but seeing those clothes he brought out almost made me believe that there was a god again. I was brought out of his musings when I felt a tapping on my foot. I looked down. 'I got an extra pair of pants, a shirt, and a satchel. Must be better than leaves, eh?' Believe me you have no idea. I'm just lucky I didn't make anything containing plants like poison ivy. "Thank you. Just...thanks. How much?" 'No. I shouldn't accept anything of the sort from you. Especially since you-' The ground shimmies a bit before new words appear. 'How do you have money if you lost everything?' Uh.....Wait a minute. I think I-No! I have a way out of this. "I got it from the voice of the gods when I escaped the caldera." He noticable think about it for a second before nodding. He walks over to me and hands me the clothes. Wait...there's no underwear. Shit. Better than nothing I suppose, but it's going to chafe like hell. As I put on the clothes, I find that the pants are a tad tighter than I'd like, but I'm pulled out of my musings by a...you know what. I'm kind of tired trying to make dirt writing interesting, even if it's by magic. 'So, where are you from? Don't think I've seen your kind around here.' Ehhhh...should I...no. Definitely not. If what I'm thinking is happening is happening then...no. "Don't particularly know all too well. I was part of a small tribe that interacted with..." Ummm. Think stupid. What's a typical fantasy race? "Dwarves." Seriously. Seriously! You picked DWARVES! Why? Why am I stuck inside your brain? 'Can't say I've heard of that race, but then again I've never seen yours before either.' He is noticeably staring at Kojo. 'So how did he evolve?' Evolve? "I think he ate a weird plant or something in the caldera or maybe it was my magic, I don't know." At this his eyes stare sharply into mine. The ground feels like wriggling insects with how much dirt is being overturned. 'You are a magician? Who taught you?' "I'm...self-taught." 'Dang...You must either be the most courageous or the most stupid person in the world.'...What? "Why?" At this his voice cuts through with a croaky laugh. 'Well, guess that means it's the later. Were there no magic users in your town?' "No. We mostly dealt with the physical side of things." 'Ahh. Reinforcement then, same as me. Well, let's just say if you did magic wrong, you wouldn't be here at all.' Reinforcement, what is-Wait. Would I be dead if I did something wrong? What? "What do you mean dead?" 'Most magic users must do one thing before they're even able to use magic. That would be breaking the mind sphere. Any wrong move when doing so would leave a brain dead husk set to explode at the slightest provocation.'...So, that sphere wasn't my soul, but my head!!! Dear lord why am I always so close to death? Now I don't even want to use magic. But at least it kind of explains why dual thinking works like it does. Probably just a self preservation instinct that got put inside that...mind sphere? Is that the technical term or is my translation just not too good. "Well, it's a good thing I'm not dead yet, right?" He laughs again before pulling some raw meat out of his pack and cooking it over the flame. 'I'd say so. What magic did you use, by the way? I'd assume plant type ones, yeah?' "No, it was healing." He freezes. Where before his posture was loose and he was always slightly moving, now his posture is rigid. He doesn't even seem to notice as his little piece of meat falls into the fire. I hear his labored breathing, almost like panting, as his method of communication was set up once more. 'Are you...are you a priest?' "No. Not really. Just got an aspect for it." 'I see.' A pause occurs in the conversation as crickets click in the distance. 'So I assume that this is not your true form?' Form? Oh, yeah aspects change your body right. "I mean, besides becoming a bit paler than normal, I'm kind of about the same." His eyes seem to furrow as he stares into the fire and sighs. "You sad about the meat?" 'Yes. I usually keep it in storage until I meet someone on the road. Best to share a nice meal between others, right?' "Yeah. I getcha. So, if you're a merchant, what kinds of things do you sell?" With that said, the merchant got up and tore through his papers while the ground rumbled like an earthquake. Dear lord what did I just unleash?
Warning: Link Always Current, do not click unless ready for future spoilage. Dave's Character Sheet (Now with added Dave commentary) Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1idEJhkhmy7nBgAtAsfSatq0WFO2xT7fW7b_dBZwyQU/edit?usp=sharing Author's Note: Sorry that it's a bit short, but I hope that the next chapter is enough to quell anyone's parched thirst for stories. I figured that I'd have this kind of thing happen after the previous almost-fight. Anyway, hope to see you all next week again. Oh, and here's another song to add to the weekly pile. It helps me get pumped up, so it might help all of you as well.
Dear England “Fans” who have compained about Dom Sibley being “boring”...
Please kindly fuck off. We’ve gone for so long without proper openers, we get one and your complaint is he bats slowly. In difficult conditions, with a ball that swung for all 80+ overs today, he gritted it out and took us to a fantastic platform for the rest of the rest. Stokes is striking at 37, Sibley at 34- you’re not complaining about Stokes? If Cook ended a day 1 on 84 from 253, I bet you wouldn’t complain. If you’d rather go back to having someone like Roy or Jennings opening, then I can’t wait for you to complain when predictably, we’re 2 down for nothing in every single test. I understand that it isn’t pretty. But Test cricket isn’t about if it’s nice to watch- it’s about who gets the most runs. Dom got 84 of them today in tough conditions. He got a 4 ball duck in the first innings of the series, and has had the mental strength to come back with a 50 and now possibly a ton. You moan that Root and Crawley threw away their wickets today, yet complain that Sibley made sure he didn’t succumb to that same fate? There is simply no pleasing you. If he got out cheaply, you’d complain. If he tried to chase runs like you want him to and got out, you’d complain. He cannot possibly win. Praying he tons up tomorrow not only because I want England to win, but also because I hope it’s one big fuck off from him to anyone who would, for some reason, complain about an opener getting runs, which we have not had for years. Come on Fridge, the real England fans are with you! Yours, A pissed off England fan Edit: Sibbers ton and golded in the morning session! What a time to be alive!
IPL: Royal Challengers Bangalore Strongest Lineup Discussion - by BluFF
Summary: With the IPL just around the corner, I wanted to preview each team's strongest 11, provide general discussion, and look ahead to their prospects this season as well as key individuals. Let's start with the Royal Challengers Bangalore. A team with IMO the two most attractive cricketers in the entire league (and I don't just mean good looks!). However, even with the likes of VK and ADB, RCB is notoriously inconsistent, with 8th, 6th and 8th place finishes in the last 3 seasons. They have come closest to winning the title on 3 occasions, with the last coming in 2016, where they lost to SRH despite scoring 200. Last season: Finished 8th. Strongest 11 Discussion: https://preview.redd.it/vpk9u34io8n51.png?width=1360&format=png&auto=webp&s=d10fe346c818d44052d7c4c84c8b9b9937f16ad5
I know many have been saying to bench PP and have ABD keep, however, I think this puts too much stress on an aging ABD, and I'd rather have him healthy for his batting for all 14 games, plus PP has been decent at getting RCB off to starts (373 runs last season).
Padikkal is a promising young Indian opener, strong domestic season and is highly regarded, should 100% play, plus I am all for giving games to the youth! My key player to watch out for.
IDK what it is, but I am a fan of having 3 openers, I thought Gambhir worked brilliantly for India when he played at 3 after Sachin and Sehwag. Finch has played at 1,3 and at 5 for Gujrat Lions (remember them?), and did decent that season (one of his few good seasons in the IPL). Finch is an odd player in the IPL, as he is among those group of players that doesn't completely show his true talent in this competition. Hope that changes this season.
Playing Finch at 3 also shifts VK and ABD further down 1 position, and I think that helps RCB since it adds needed depth to their batting, and reduces the chances that VK and ABD get out too early, which has always been a concern, but I think it also reduces the chances that VK and ABD don't bat since the first 3 batsmen are so naturally aggressive.
Dube at 5 can be game-changing if he can live up to his all-rounder potential, he can bowl a decent spell of 4 overs and is known for his 6 hitting domestically, RCB will hope he flourishes as a finisher
Was debating between Moeen Ali and Chris Morris at 7, both proper 6 hitters and can bowl. I chose Morrison b/c he can give you death/opening bowling, which has been an area for struggle for RCB (mainly death), plus he cost RCB 10cr in the 2020 auction, which you don't pay for someone you don't intend on using.
I know I left out Umesh, and that might be controversial, but I decided to play Saini instead and bring in veteran Dale Steyn. Saini took more wickets then Umesh last season, and can also bat decently well, suddenly RCB have proper depth in batting with Sundar there as well, who needs a big season (still very young)
Morris and Steyn will freshen up the fast bowling alongside Saini and Dube, with Sundar and leading RCB wicket-taker from last season Chahal (18 wickets) providing the spinning options
Isuru Udana was a tough one to leave out, the Sri Lankan provides an excellent spin seam option, and can hit a few as well with the bat, a good option for Steyn/Morris if they don't deliver, Adam Zampa is another spin option (Kohli rates him highly)
Umesh, pretty unlikely that he will actually be benched, but he can easily come in for Saini
Siraj the legend.
Other batting options:
Shabaz Ahamad is another young Indian all-rounder who could get games this season, maybe if Paddikal or Dube don't fire
Gurkeerat is another middle-order batsman option for RCB
My pick will probably be Josh Phillipe who could be a terrific buy for RCB, an explosive opener from Big Bash, who was instrumental in helping Sydney Sixers win their first title (487 runs), like-for-like replacement for Finch, and a wicket-keeper too, I was tempted to include him
I am still am not convinced about RCB's finishing ability after VK and ABD. They have strong openers and three world-class batsmen (Finch is the 3rd, however, has known to struggle in IPL). If RCB are hedging their bets on Finch, Morris and Steyn, it is IMO very risky for obvious reasons (age and poor records). Paddikal could be a massive game-changer if he finds form, as can Finch. Big seasons for Dube and Washington after underwhelming campaigns previously (mainly WS), also I hope RCB avoid their usual slow starts. Unfortunately, I do think this is among the weakest squads in the league BUT, it can all change if RCB's Indian contingent have strong seasons.
FIRE and Kids – The cost of raising children in Australia
This post has been inspired by this recent podcast featuring three of the biggest names in the Aussie FIRE blogging community, and the follow on discussions in the Aussie Firebug Facebook group about how much it costs to raise kids in Australia. As all three acknowledge they don’t have kids so it’s not something they really have any experience with. As someone who has two young kids I thought it would be useful to write about it from my perspective. Obviously my situation isn’t the same as everyone else’s, there are plenty of people who would be horrified with how much we’ve spent, and others who would wonder how we manage to spend so little. Everyone’s situation is different, so what works for my family wouldn’t necessarily work or others. My oldest child has only just started school this year so I can’t really speak from experience beyond the 0-5yo age range, but I’ll talk through some of the typical costs, what we have and haven’t spent money on so far, and what we’re anticipating in the future. The costs people actually talk about The first two things that almost always come up when people start talking about the cost of babies are prams and carseats. Yes, you can spend a lot of money on these things if you want to, prams in particular. From a quick look at Baby Bunting the most expensive pram there is nearly 3 thousand dollars, and I’m betting that with a few accessories you can easily get over that mark. No, you do not need to spend that much on a pram. Yes you can probably pick one up on the cheap from Kmart or Target etc for well under a hundred bucks, but it’s probably not going to be as sturdy or hold much of the gear you take with you. Happily a pram is also the sort of thing where you can pretty easily and safely pick one up secondhand or get a hand me down from someone else. We bought a Babyzen Yoyo, which is basically a small sized pram although it still has enough storage room for us. It folds up so that you can take it on a plane as carry on luggage, is quite light, extremely maneuverable and very sturdy. I’ve taken it running plenty of times, it’s even got a Parkrun PB of 22:06! This thing is absolutely gold. Unfortunately it’s priced as though it’s made of it as well. There wasn’t an option to get one second hand because it had only just been released so we had to pay full whack. I think we spent over a thousand dollars on it including all the accessories and the lie flat and sit up seats etc. It was worth every cent. It’s been going for 5 years and 2 kids and is still in great shape, we’ve never had a problem with it at all. My wife tells me it is one of the best things I have ever bought her, although we both use it obviously. And at the end of the day a one off cost of $1,000 for us as a family is going to have basically zero impact on when we hit FIRE. Plugging the numbers into a compound interest calculator and using 7% annual return over 30 years I miss out on $8,000, which is about a month worth of returns on my target portfolio. I can live with delaying retirement one month for about 5 cumulative years of having a really good pram that works great for us. Similarly you can spend a fair chunk of money on car seats. This is one of those things that I wouldn’t want to get second hand because you can’t see if they’ve been broken or not and safety is a huge priority for us and presumably everyone else. Happily car seats don’t tend to cost that much, you can pick one up for a couple hundred bucks or less pretty easily. If you do that it tends to be one for a much shorter age range, say 0-2yrs whereas I think you can get ones which will take your kid from 0-8 but they cost a lot more. In any case per kid you’re probably looking at a thousand bucks total, and this could easily be a lot less. Again it’s not going to make any appreciable different to us reaching FIRE. So as easy as it is to point at this sort of stuff as being ridiculously expensive and over priced etc, it’s really not going to make much of a difference to most people. Sure you don’t want to spend any more money than you have to, but you also want to make sure you’re getting something that works for you. The other one off costs There are also a bunch of one off costs for babies and young kids like cots, beds, mattresses, baby carriers etc. From what I’ve been told you want to buy a baby mattress new, but that’s only about a hundred bucks at Target, potentially cheaper elsewhere. We have an Ikea cot which cost about the same, you could easily get one second hand or likely for free just by asking around your friends who will probably be delighted to get it out of their house. Some people do co-sleeping in which case you don’t need the cot and mattress although you may like to kid yourself that your baby will actually sleep in their own bed, maybe even through the night. It’s nice to pretend sometimes! As kids get older you’ll need a proper bed for them, again you can probably pick this up second hand pretty cheap and a mattress can be easily had for a couple hundred bucks. So none of these things are really going to have much of an impact so long as you’re a decent saver already. The big costs you see When you don’t have kids it can be great to live in a studio flat or one bedroom apartment in the inner city close to all the bars and restaurants and all the rest of it. You can stay in your local area and have plenty to keep you entertained, there is probably a supermarket nearby and plenty of public transport so you may not need a car either. Once you have kids, it’s likely going to be a different story as your priorities change. It may be that you’re happy renting with kids, but lots of people tend to prioritise stability and security when they have kids and that means owning your own home in most cases. I’m not saying everyone will want this, but a lot of people will. So now that you have kids you almost certainly want a second bedroom and if you’re planning on having more kids maybe a third or fourth etc. Obviously kids can share bedrooms for a while at least but sooner or later they will probably want their own space, as will you. You’ll also be wanting parks with playgrounds nearby and somewhere you can easily take your kids for a walk or kick a football around, ideally in a good school district which can add a couple hundred thousand dollars to the cost all by itself if you’re in Sydney or Melbourne. And if you want to live somewhere cheaper but send the kids to a good private school, well that can cost anywhere from the low thousands to multiple tens of thousands per year. Similarly if you didn’t have a car before, you will very likely want one now. I’ve mentioned before that we drive a base model Corolla which works just fine for us so far, but you’re still probably looking at $20k plus if you buy one new, mid teens if you want one used. If you want an SUV or a luxury model car, be prepared to fork out a lot more. In the same vein if you were previously going on lots of holidays and plan to keep doing so, well you now have at least one more plane ticket to buy, might need a bigger hotel room etc. As I talked about in this post about big ticket items, that all comes at a real cost. We bought land and built a house, so I can say that we spent roughly $100,000 more on that than we would have otherwise. The ongoing costs There are also a bunch of ongoing costs for kids as well. They need to be fed, they need clothes and shoes, they need medicine, and a bunch of other stuff that costs money. I wrote here about a bunch of things that we do to keep costs down, but the reality is that you still have to fork over a decent chunk of change. On top of all that contrary to what you might have been told public school is not free, there are a bunch of things that you have to chip in for here as well. We’re not at the stage that we’re forking out a fortune in extra utility bills etc but we certainly use the washing machine a lot more than we would if we didn’t have kids, there are extra lights and tvs etc on so there are extra costs there as well. There are also a bunch of extra items that you don’t really need to spend, but probably will. For us this includes stuff like swimming lessons, some sports like AusKick (AFL) and Junior Blasters (cricket), occasionally taking them to a theme park or zoo etc. They also get birthday and Christmas presents, and if they get invited to other kids parties they take a store bought gift with them. The above is about what I think our 5yo costs us at the moment based on our spending, our 2yo is probably about two thirds of that due mostly to her not eating as much and not getting swimming lessons yet, as well as not being in school or doing sports. I’ve left the holiday line blank because this is hugely variable. Last year we did a trip to the UK and it probably cost us about $3,000 extra between the two of them, next time it will be another couple thousand dollars more because the youngest one will need her own seat rather being on someone’s lap for the flights. So our spending for our eldest is about two thirds of the costs quoted in this article for a 6yo girl, I would assume that apart from a boy maybe eating a bit more the costs should be fairly similar. The main difference compared to our costs seem to be education and transport. Also, it was somewhat shocking to me just how expensive swimming lessons are! This is actually at our local council aquatic centre and is the cheapest in town. We do get to use the pool whenever we want, but that only tends to be once or twice a week at most. At least the lessons will hopefully only be for a few years for each child, although after that we may be forking out for something else instead. The hidden cost of kids The biggest cost is often actually one that doesn’t show up as an expense, the opportunity cost of one parent giving up paid employment entirely for a while or doing part time hours (I’ve used the phrase giving up paid employment here because looking after kids and a house is definitely work!). If we say that you’re giving up a full time paid job that’s at minimum wage of roughly $20 an hour for 40 hours a week, 48 weeks a year, then that’s $38,400 a year ($33,605 after tax and medicare levy) that the family is giving up for however long this goes on for. If you’d otherwise be earning more than that, then the opportunity cost each year is even higher. On top of that there is the hit to your career and future earnings, because those are definitely going to be impacted as well. If you’ve got two kids that are separated by two or three years and you as a family want a parent at home until they go to school, well that’s 7 or 8 years of missing out on that money which works out as around $250k based on a full time minimum wage job. I’m pretty hopeful that my wife would be earning more than minimum wage as well so for us it’s even more than that. On the plus side, she gets to spend more time with the kids although that probably feels like a mixed blessing some of the time! Alternatively if both parents want to keep working then there will likely be childcare costs for the first 4 or 5 years and then before and after school care, as well as missing out on spending time with their kids. Because we haven’t gone down this route I don’t know exactly how much it costs, I do hear plenty of stories about it being $100 a day minimum around where I live and it’s a lot more in capital cities. There are subsidies available for this, but you can pretty easily be spending tens of thousands each year on childcare while they’re young and then once they’re old enough before and after school care. You may be lucky enough to have grandparents or other family nearby that are happy to help out with this if they live nearby, but that won’t apply to everyone and it’s unlikely to reduce the cost entirely. The costs that are yet to come At the moment our kids are still young and fairly inexpensive. Between the two of them they tend to eat roughly what a grown adult eats, but from what I’ve been told that will change fairly dramatically as they get older. They’ll need new clothes more frequently, more shoes, potentially play more sports, go on more school excursions, you get the idea. Education could be another factor. There is a public high school that will be built in the next few years quite close by, and assuming that it’s decent our kids will likely be going there. But if it’s not, then we’ll have to look into private schools which can cost anywhere from a few thousand dollars to tens of thousands. There will be extra curricular stuff as well. Given my wife and I are both horrible at music it seems unlikely that our kids will be doing extra lessons there, but there are plenty of other areas like sport or extra educational activities that we’d be considering. I know a few parents who have kids who are in elite sports programs (as in regional or state teams) and the costs here can very quickly add up, likewise if extra education is needed or wanted then that’ll be an extra expense. Government and other assistance I know that depending on your circumstances that there can be government assistance in the form of Family Tax Benefit, childcare subsidy and possibly other programs as well. We don’t get any of these which is fine, we don’t need them and they are presumably meant to be for those who do. If you’re not sure if you should be getting any of these then Centrelink does have this payment finder. We did get the one day a week Kinder program for 3yos and 3 days a week Kinder program for 4yos, although these both also came with costs of roughly $1,500 a year so it actually cost us money, again this is fine, just a reminder that it isn’t actually free. Depending on your employer you may also be able to get parental leave for a while, and there is a minimum payment which they have to make so long as you’ve met some requirements. Some employers may also have some continuing support with subsidised childcare and the like. None of this was applicable to our situation but at least some of it will likely be available for others. So what’s the bottom line? For us the biggest actual one off cost so far has been the bigger house and land that we purchased because we wanted our kids to be able to have plenty of space inside and outside the house. That cost about a hundred thousand dollars more than we would have paid if it were just the two of us. All the other stuff like a pram, car seats, cots/beds, mattresses and all the rest of it have been maybe $5,000 total, which is tiny by comparison. The opportunity cost has been bigger than this though. When we had our first child when we were in Hong Kong my wife wasn’t working much anyway as there just weren’t that many jobs she could do and my wage easily supported both of us so she was doing some very casual part time work and so not doing that work afterwards didn’t impact us much. In Australia though she probably would have been earning at least $40,000 a year after tax, so we’ve foregone almost $200,000 on an after tax basis there. Which as I’m sure you can imagine has a pretty big impact on when we will hit FIRE, particularly given we’ve got another few years or her not being in paid employment at all and then likely only working part time after that. So I would guess we’ll be looking at forgone earnings of at least $500,000 by the time all is said and done, and it could quite easily be a lot more. The actual ongoing costs of the kids so far haven’t been too bad. Between the two of them it’s about $8,000 a year at the moment, although we would anticipate that this will go up a fair bit over time as they start eating more and getting into more extra curricular activities. I get that this is spending that isn’t a necessity, but do I really want my kids to miss out on a bunch of fun stuff so that I can retire a year or two earlier? No, no I do not. So far the total costs look something like this. You can see that by far the biggest cost has been the earnings that we’ve missed out on because my wife has been at home looking after the kids and doing the household stuff (yes I do some of it because I think it’s important that we share the jobs and to role model stuff for the kids, but the reality is that she is at home a lot more than I am and does more of it). Buying a bigger house and land is next, and the actual costs of feeding and clothing and all the other one off stuff for the kids is a tiny proportion of the actual cost. All up I’m hopeful that we can keep the ongoing costs to somewhere between $125k and $150k per child from birth through to age 18, although if private school is necessary then that will push up the costs a fair bit. This is less than half of what this article suggests, so although it sounds like a lot of money it’s actually fairly frugal by comparison. To put it in perspective, it’s basically spending about 7 or 8 grand a year on each child. There are plenty of people out there who spend more than that on food alone, let alone the rest of their living expenses. As I said earlier travel costs are on top of this, and this can increase the costs quite a lot! Travel is a huge part of the reason we’re pursuing HIFIRE, and we want to be taking the kids on plenty of holidays while they’re growing up. That’s obviously discretionary spending to a large extent, but we do have close family living overseas who we want to see every couple of years or so, and it’s not fair to expect them to always be the ones travelling. I would guess that we’ll be looking at about $50k per kid in travel costs by the time they turn 18. That’s about 3 grand a year, which doesn’t sound wrong based on the cost of international travel. It may be less than that which would be great, but could also be a fair bit more. So all up for the two kids we’re looking at about a million dollars from birth to age 18. About half of that is the foregone wages from not working, which is by far the biggest impact. The actual cost of the kids is about another 30%, then travel is 10%, another 10% for the bigger house and land. And then right at the end is less than 1% for the one off stuff like prams and baby seats and cots etc. How could we spend less? Obviously there are other things we could be doing instead to keep the cost down. The biggest expense is the wages that aren’t being earned because my wife is looking after the kids and the household stuff. We could have chosen to have her work and instead pay for childcare and after school care etc. If we did though then she wouldn’t get to spend as much time with the kids (which she tells would be welcome some of the time!) and there would be a lot more house work and shopping that would need to be done after work or on weekends for both of us, we’d potentially eat out more often as it’d be more of a hassle cooking meals each night, as well as a bunch of other tradeoffs. So having her stay at home was our preferred method, and thankfully we’re in the financial position where we can afford to do it that way. Other people make different choices, or they’re unfortunately not in a position to make a choice, they need both partners working or if they’re a single parent have to do it this way. We could have also gone with a smaller house and less of a backyard. I shared a bedroom with my brother for part of our childhood and we both managed fine. It’s not ideal, but it’s certainly doable, and we could have saved a lot of money by having a smaller house. Again we chose not to because we wanted a bigger house and a decent sized backyard for them to be able to run around in and we can afford it. We don’t have to travel, although it’d be a bit rough expecting family to travel overseas to see us every year or two and then not reciprocating. Still, that would save a fair amount of money. It’s pretty hard to say how things will work out with the actual costs of raising the kids. I know roughly what we’ve spent so far, but it’s pretty difficult to know what we’ll be spending in future as they get older. They’re likely to be eating a fair bit more food, s they grow they’ll need new clothes and shoes, they’ll presumably be playing sport and doing other extra curricular stuff which will all cost money. $150k per kid from 0 to 18 seems like it’s a lot less than what it costs most people, but then we already live a fair bit more cheaply than most others so maybe it’s about right. At the end of the day we’re happy with the choices that we’ve made so far, but there has certainly been some room to have spent less money than what we have, or to have had more money coming in through both of us being in paid employment. Obviously it has an impact on when we will hit our FIRE number, but I’d rather take a little bit longer to get there than to make different tradeoffs along the way. Have you got kids or are thinking about having them? How do you think it will impact on your FIRE journey? Original post with pretty charts, pictures, tables etc is here.
Reposting due to the beloved u/skinkerdoodle taking a moderation break and a shuffle of the staff team :) If you haveANYquestions after finishing this guide, feel free to ask below and I, or someone else experienced, will try and answer the question for you. We also have twodiscord serverdiscord serverwhere you can ask questions and chat! If you're too embarrassed to post, feel free to PM me. I want this to post to be a safe space for beginners to ask questions and learn! The FAQ section may also answer some more "advanced" topics even if you're not a complete beginner. Thinking about getting aleopard gecko? Awesome! They make great pets and owning them is a very rewarding experience. You may be scouring the web and start to think "where the heck do I start"! In this guide I'll be giving detailed advice to prepare you for your first gecko. What to buy before you get a gecko: This is a checklist of everything you need to buy BEFORE purchasing your gecko. It's important to set up before you get your new friend just in case some items, like the heating pad, end up not working. THE ESSENTIALS
Tank (20 Gallon long or equivalent terrarium/tank/tub)
20G long is the accepted standard tank for an adult. You can go bigger but you'll have to provide adequate cover and heat sources. Also that whole "baby geckos can't be in a big tank" thing is completely untrue! You are perfectly fine buying an "end game" tank for your gecko. Babies can still be kept in a 10 gallon tank (if you are currently short on space, etc), but should be moved once they're starting to grow older and larger so that they can be more comfortable. I always recommend to buy your adult tank right off the bat. You'll save more money in the long run. If you're okay waiting for awhile Petco has a 1$ per gallon sale a few times a year. It's a pretty good deal.
Contrary to popular belief, leos can see most colors of light (even red). Albinos are especially sensitive to bright lights. Natural room lighting is acceptable and will not mess up their day/night cycles. Your heating pad should cover 1/3rd of your tank. You want a temperature gradient. I personally use the Zoo Med brand 30-40g size for my 20 gallon long tanks. This goes under the tank. Make sure your tank is slightly raised to provide air flow. You can also use deep heat projects, radiant heat panels, etc to heat your tank. Just keep in mind these will also need to be temp controlled to keep your leopard gecko safe. IF YOU CHOOSE TO USE LOOSE SUBSTRATE (depending on how thick/deep it is) YOU WILL MOST LIKELY HAVE TO USE OVERHEAD HEATING. This will ensure accurate surface and air temps. YOU CAN USE LOW OUTPUT (5% or less) UVB LIGHTS. Just provide plenty of cover if your leo is albino and watch to make sure they aren't too stressed. They are optional if you are supplementing properly.
Heating sources get HOT. I mean up to 120F unregulated just for heating pads. You need to control the temperature! I personally use this thermostat. You want the floor of the tank to be 90F. Keeping it this temperature will make sure you have a happy, healthy gecko. Lower temps can cause your gecko to not eat and digest properly. This is also a good thermostat.
NO CALCI-SAND/COLORED SAND. I cannot stress this enough. These can cause impaction which can lead to death. Good beginner substrate include: Paper towels, mixed naturalistic substrate (play sand + top soil is a good starting base, you can also add in eco earth, clay) mixed with tile (on the hot side works the best) or just plain tile (no linoleum tile and it must be textured). Eco earth by itself is not a good substrate and can get too dusty/dry. Reptile carpet is just a pain to clean and your leopard gecko can get claws and teeth stuck in it. * Three hides (Hot, moist, and cool) You want three hides in your tank. One for the hot side of the tank (positioned over the heating pad). This will be the place your gecko spends most of it's time. Geckos tend to like very secure hides, so you want to have a hide that provides as little visibility as possible. I have found my geckos really like this hide as their hot hide. You can pick out whatever you like though! For the moist hide you want a container that can hold in humidity. This hide is to help aid shedding, so it's of the utmost importance! Many people use tupperware containers with holes cut into it. The smaller the entrance the better, as to keep the humidity in. This hide should be at least partially on the heat mat and have moist paper towel, moss, or eco earth. The cool hide should be on the complete opposite side of the hot hide. Your gecko needs somewhere to escape to if it gets too hot. * Infrared Temp Gun You want to double check your temperatures and make sure they're accurate and an infrared temp gun is the best way to do it! I use this one. * Bowl for calcium/food/water Your leopard gecko needs a source of calcium (without d3) in the tank. They'll lick it up as they need it. This is a key component of warding off MBD (Metabolic Bone Disease). Just place it in the tank and leave it be. Refresh it every once in awhile. Food bowl is self explanatory. Water bowl should be near the middle of the tank or the cool side. I recommend buying something similar to this if you want tap water to be reptile safe. * Multivitamin & Calcium (with and without d3) These are essential to a healthy, happy leopard gecko. These are used for dusting food. There are plenty of brands to choose from. Repashy and Zoo Med make both. Either are good! ADDITIONAL * Decor Most up to you! You want the tank to have enough decor that your gecko doesn't feel exposed. Plastic plants are great for this. If you're using craft store plants make sure they do not bleed/rub off dye. File down sharp edges. Places like Petco will match their online prices, sometimes saving you a lot of money. Amazon also had good prices sometimes, so keep an eye out. If you're crafty you can always make your own decor. Just make sure you use reptile safe products. * Leopard Gecko Emergency Kit It should contain: betadine (for sterilizing wounds), neosporin without pain relief, q-tips, olive oil (to aid pooping if your gecko is impacted), coconut oil (to aid shedding), flour or a clotter (to stop bleeding), and tweezers. All of this should cover basic medical emergencies like minor scratches, etc. > [This critter keeper (size depends on how many geckos). Repashy grub pie, extra supplements, uni heat (or reptile) heat packs, a fleece blanket, digital thermometer, heat tape (or maybe a mini size heating pad by zoo med as they can be used with plastic), two bowls. In some cases where you have multiple geckos, create separated areas in a larger fauna box. Credit Sybilestial ! * Plastic container with lid Great for saunas if your gecko is having trouble shedding and for holding your gecko while cleaning the tank! * Tongs If you're iffy about touching insects, this may be the way to go. Plus your gecko may be scared for your hands at first. * Scale This is a good way to track your gecko's weight, especially if they're young. Even for adults getting a base line weight is beneficial. I just use a food scale. Most people measure geckos in grams! I usually weigh everyone once every two weeks. * A Journal/Calendar Might sound a little nuts but keeping track of gecko feedings, last time they shed, etc. will make your life so much easier. I personally record the last time my geckos shed, ate, weights, pooped, etc. I also jot down any notes about their behaviors or any changes to their health. It's good to keep track of these things in case your gecko becomes ill and needs to go to the vet. PICKING OUT YOUR GECKO My personal recommendation is to buy from a reputable breeder or from a breeder at an expo. This generally ensures you are getting a healthy, happy gecko. Buying from a pet store is risky business as many geckos from chain stores carry parasites or have health issues. You could end up paying a hefty vet bill or with a short lived gecko. Unfortunately there are still some shady breeders too. I'll list a few warning signs: * can't answer questions about their geckos (parents, genetics, hatch date, weight, etc) * can't tell you the morph * won't show you pictures of the gecko * improper husbandry * skinny, sickly looking geckos (metabolic bone disease, stick tail, lethargic, etc) There are plenty of places where you can get honest reviews of breeders like the Board of Inquiry on Faunaclassified as well as a few groups on Facebook. Don't always trust facebook reviews as they can be censored! Get an opinion from actual customers. Do research. [Here's another guide I wrote on this subject. I generally do not recommend enigma morph geckos to beginners. This is my personal opinion. There is always a chance your gecko will end up with enigma syndrome somewhere down the line. Enigma syndrome is a neurological disorder tied to the enigma gene. This leads to: balance issues, circling, stargazing, seizures, death rolling, coordination issues, and more. Feeding can become extremely difficult and I consider enigma syndrome geckos a little more advanced care. White and Yellow morphs can also exhibit a similar syndrome but it's much rarer, *as it can be bred out*. It's not tied to the W&Y gene. Lemon frosts, a rather expensive morph, has been known to grow tumors. Their health issues are so severe that many breeders have stopped producing them entirely. I don't think many beginners have 2.5k to drop on a gecko but just in case you were thinking about it, don't! Babies can be much more skittish than adults and a little bit more delicate. If you want something more hearty go for a slightly older gecko! Babies also eat a lot of food so if you're looking to spend a little bit less money an adult is also the way to go. Babies change in color A LOT so if you are looking for a gecko of a certain color an adult is your best bet to get exactly what you want. Leos are able to be temperature sexed and many breeders will label them TSF (temp sex female) or TSM (temp sex male). Keep in mind this is not a 100% guarantee you will get that sex. There is still a chance they will turn out to be the opposite sex. Snows are notorious for having a lower accuracy rate when temp sexed. If you want a guaranteed male or female you will have to buy older. DO NOT PLACE ANY GECKOS TOGETHER! DO NOT COHAB. Geckos are solitary creatures and thrive when housed alone. Keeping geckos together can lead to fighting and serious injuries, and usually ends up stressing the animals out. Behavior that may look cute, like cuddling, are actually signs of aggression and dominance. Here is an example of what happened to a leo that was housed together with another gecko. Don't risk your animals. Here's a great read from one of our sub members 410cs: It's common knowledge that Leos are territorial, regardless of Gender, they're tolerant to a point until they snap. It can be 3 minutes together, it can be 10 years. Eventually they will snap and something like this will happen. It's quite clear that, even if the cause of the break wasn't due to a fight, you need to separate them. Let's go through some of the most basic and obvious reasons why: * Competition for the, poor quality, of food. * It seems like you're feeding those vacuum-packed locusts, or at least some sort of dead variant. These hold next to no nutritional value. * The food there, although dusted, is going to be fought-over and dominated, regardless of if you've ever seen this happen. The girl in the picture is awfully thin, I have no doubts that this is a major factor of this. * 100x Easier for parasites and disease to spread. * They eat, sleep, poop and live in the same area. This is a huge no-no when it comes to a lot of reptiles. Considering some breeders have been wiped out over using the same equipment, (tongs), I'd seriously not be surprised if every Geck in that tank has some sort of parasitical load; either a worryingly large load of Pinworm or ever worse, (Geckos can be crypto-positive even if they're not rapidly losing weight). * The male is going to, eventually, breed with the females. * Sometimes males just don't breed successfully when they're in-season, which might be why you haven't experienced any (Fertile) eggs yet. When they are they act like a dog in heat. The breeding stress is going to be awfully harsh on your females, it's not uncommon for females to die as a result of over breeding. * General dominance over heat, hides, etc. * Are your Geckos sleeping together? Are they "cuddling"? I wouldn't be surprised. You can have them in a 75 Gal with a hundred hides and there still is a chance of them doing this. * It's not a case of if they fight, it's when they fight. * They don't always show warning signs. They can be fine one minute and, before you know it, one won't have a limb. Please, for the sake of the Geckos, house them individually. If they go off of food it's due to change of environment, they don't have the emotional capabilities to miss each other. I don't care if they're in 10Gals for now, just do it. For the sake of your pets. It's borderline animal cruelty. SETTING UP YOUR NEW FRIEND & THE FIRST WEEKS Once you have acquired your gecko and placed it in the tank LEAVE IT ALONE! You should wait at least 5-7 days before handling or messing around with your gecko. Your new friend is scared and adjusting to a big change. It can be tempting, especially as a beginner, but hold off. If you can I would wait until your gecko is eating as well before handling. You want to keep your interaction to a minimum like cleaning up poop, giving your gecko food, etc. Covering the tank with a blanket is also a good way to make your gecko feel safer. Choose a quiet place for the tank. Observe your gecko and make sure it's not exhibiting signs of illness. If your gecko seems lethargic, isn't pooping after eating, bloated, walking irregularly, losing weight rapidly, etc go to the vet! Don't wait! Taking action as soon as possible is the best thing you can do for your gecko. Also watch for your gecko's first shed to make sure they are shedding properly in their new environment. TAMING AND HANDLING Patience is key to taming your new gecko! It can take awhile for them to trust you, especially if they are younger. Adolescent geckos tend to be more skittish. You want to start off by putting your hand in the tank, within sight of your gecko, for at least ten minutes a day. This is to get your gecko used to your hand and scent. Once they seem a bit more receptive (walking around, licking your hand, looking curious) you can start to try picking them up. Always scoop up your gecko from below, working your hand underneath their stomach and supporting their legs. Grabbing from above triggers their prey instinct and will scare them. Hold them over the tank at first, in case they leap or skitter off your hand, to prevent injury! Once they seem calm in your hands, then you can start taking them away from the tank. Hand feeding is also a good way to bond with your gecko and make sure they associate your hand with positive things (aka food). Congrats! You tamed your gecko! FEEDING Feeding is a subject I see a ton of topics about in the subreddit so let's go over the basics! Acceptable feeders include: * Mealworms (can be kept in oats/bran meal in the fridge) * Superworms (can be kept in oats/bran meal DO NOT REFRIGERATE) * Crickets (kept in normal container, DO NOT LEAVE THEM IN THE TANK THEY WILL BITE YOUR LEO) * Dubia Roaches (kept in normal containetank/whatever) * Hornworms (Treat, optional, fed once a week, 1 worm) * Waxworms (Treat, optional, fed **rarely**, only 1-2) * Butterworms (Treat, optional, fed once a week or less, 1-2) * Here's a nutritional feeder insect chart Remember, variety is good for your gecko. Do not over feed treat foods! They should be a rare occurrence and you should only feed 1-2 per week or less, especially for waxworms (which can be addictive). Do not feed treat foods to sick geckos, very young geckos, or picky eaters. Only feed treat foods to healthy geckos who are eating regularly. Feel free to mix and match feeders! GUT LOAD YOUR FEEDERS. Gut loading is feeding your insects prior to feeding them to your gecko. Carrots, lettuce, etc should be fed 12 hours ahead of time. You want to give them time to eat the veggies or fruit. I usually feed them once a week besides gut loading to make sure they get the moisture they need from the food. Dusting is also another key part of feeding. Make sure the insects are lightly dusted with calcium or multivitamin. Babies should eat every day, as much as they can eat in 15 minutes. "Teen" geckos (6-9 months) should be eating every other day. Usually teen geckos will decide this for themselves and start refusing food every day. Adults (1 year and over) should eat every 2-3 (or longer) days depending on weight. FAQ MY GECKO HAS STUCK SHED/IS HAVING PROBLEMS SHEDDING AHHHH First of all, DON'T PANIC! Stuck shed happens. The easiest way to loosen up stuck shed is a gecko sauna! Take your plastic container and fill it with paper towels, soaked in warm water. Place your gecko in the container for 10-15 minutes. Then you can attempt to rub the stuck shed off with the q-tip from the gecko first aid kit. Be gentle but persistent. Your gecko may get a bit upset but this is okay. Stuck shed can lead to lost toes, tail tips, and other various problems. A little bit of stress is better than losing a toe! If this still doesn't work you can use a bit of coconut oil on the tip of a q-tip and gently rub the shed skin with it. MY NEW GECKO ISN'T EATING AHH New geckos are stressed out and this can lead to them not eating, so be patient and wait. Sometimes it can take over a week and even then they may still eat a bit irregularly for awhile. If your gecko seems lethargic, sickly, or is rapidly losing weight while also not eating, a vet visit is in order. Try to find a reptile vet. *ALWAYS DOUBLE CHECK YOUR TEMPERATURES!* Low or irregular temperatures can cause a gecko to not eat. Geckos may also delay eating if they are about to shed or have just shed. Female leopard geckos can also go off food if they are ovulating (producing eggs). Look for white oval shapes in your gecko's lower stomach. Here is an image. All you can do is wait it out until the female eats again. Males may also go off food during breeding season. If you change around your gecko's tank or move their tank to a new location this can also cause them to get stressed and stop eating. Consider any small (or large) changes you've made to your gecko's environment when trying to figure out why your gecko won't eat. My gecko just threw up its food! What's wrong with it? Sometimes geckos regurgitate food when they've eaten too much too fast. Low temperatures can also lead to regurgitation. Check your temperatures and make sure your heating pad is working properly. Parasites can also cause geckos to throw up their food. If you suspect parasites, call a vet. Do albino leopard geckos have any special care? Their eyes are very sensitive. They may not like bright light at all or require more cover in their tank to protect their eyes. Other than that they are normal geckos. It's cold where I live and I can't maintain the necessary temperature. What can I do? You can buy a ceramic heat emitter. This is a bulb you put into a lamp that gives off no light but produces heat. You can hook this up to a dimmer to control the temperature or another thermostat. I've found a 45w or a 60w does the job pretty well. It should boost your temps up to an acceptable level. What should my tank look like? What are some examples? Here are some examples: (https://i.imgur.com/JDpedEy.jpg), (https://i.imgur.com/1NUjJ1z.jpg), (https://i.imgur.com/WUxiXaD.jpg), (https://i.imgur.com/UL7C9i7.jpg) I have other reptiles blah blah QUARANTINE YOUR GECKO! Quarantining for 60-90 days is the preferable option, especially if your gecko is showing any signs of sickness. Use separate tools, etc. If you purchase another gecko don't switch around decor between the tanks, etc. Be safe and save yourself a possible heartache and cash. My female is ovulating. What do I do? Look for white oval shapes in your gecko's lower stomach. If your female has eggs you can make a lay box. A closed container with eco earth will do. If she lays them, they will most likely be infertile and can be thrown away. Leopard geckos can lay many eggs during breeding season. Make sure you're supplementing a bit extra, as egg laying is quite taxing. Leopard geckos can also reabsorb their eggs. Females can ovulate pretty early (think 8 months or so) depending how large they are. My leopard gecko is waving/shaking it's tail! Tail waving means your gecko is scared and you should leave them alone. Tail shaking is pretty common when hunting and just means they're excited. Loud tail rattling is a sign a male wants to breed. Is my leopard gecko a boy or a girl? See this [image]. Males will have visible pores and two hemipenes at the base of their tail in comparison to females. Leopard geckos can usually be sexed around 4 months of age, though males may take longer to mature. At 5-6 months you should be able to tell for yourself. Place the gecko in a clear, plastic container and take a look! My leopard gecko won't eat from a bowl! Some geckos don't like bowls. They like the hunt! You may have to tong/hand feed. You can try starving them out until they eat from the bowl, if you're really adamant about it. Or as sybilestial suggests: >If the geckos aren't eating from bowls, try clear ones. You can find a set of clear candle holders (that do not come with a candle) at dollar stores. How long can my gecko be left alone? Most adults can be left a few days since their feeding schedules are spread out. Babies will need someone to watch them if you need to go somewhere, as they need to eat every day. If you can get your baby to eat out of a bowl, you can probably leave them as well. If your gecko is about to shed or looks dull, make sure you thoroughly dampen the moist hide. I never seen my gecko! Why? Leopard geckos nocturnal/crepuscular. They come out at night. You may not see your gecko out during the day at all. Don't worry, this is normal. My power went out what do I do?! There are reptile specific warmers, usually used for shipping, that you can buy and use as well. They come in different hour intervals like 40, 72, etc. Make sure you follow the instructions! If you live in an area that is hit by storms and loses power often, be PREPARED AHEAD OF TIME! If you live somewhere relatively warm year round, your gecko will be okay without heat for a day or two. Just make sure you don't feed them during this time. What should my tank's humidity be? 40%! If your humidity gets too high I suggest a dehumidifier for the room your leo is in. If your water bowl is large, switch it for a smaller one. Don't put the water bowl on the hot side. Putting a sock filled with rice into the tank can help a little bit too. My gecko looks pale. IS IT DYING?? No, it's just about to shed! Leopard geckos usually shed once every 2-3 weeks. In the days beforehand they'll get very dull looking. The day of they usually turn white. Shedding usually takes a day or so. Make sure you keep your moist hide damp! Leopard geckos eat their shed as they're peeling it off themselves so don't be alarmed if you don't find anything afterwards What is MBD? You mention that a lot. MBD is Metabolic Bone Disease. This happens in geckos who are not supplemented properly with calcium and multivitamins. Here is a good article about it. Proper supplementation is important! My gecko is sick what do I do? Find a reptile vet (there's a vet link in the sidebar)! In order to ensure your reptile gets the best care possible you should always use a vet experienced in reptiles. I recommend you find one ahead of time near your area. And, as always, have a decent amount of cash tucked away somewhere in case your reptile gets sick. Exotic vet care is expensive and you never know when an emergency will pop up. Where can I find pictures that illustrate the conditions and sicknesses you talk about? Lizardbeans on tumblr has a great guide as well, with a bunch of pictures of different leopard gecko conditions. How do I use Betadine? If my gecko gets a minor injury what should I do? Let's say your gecko manages to hurt it's toe. It's bleeding a little bit but otherwise it looks pretty minor.
Soak the reptile in warmish chest deep water to which Betadine (povidone-iodine) has been added to color the water to a deep medium tea color. Leave in the tub for 15-20 minutes, refreshing the warm water and Betadine as necessary. If the wound is swollen and crusty, carefully pick off the scab/crusty exudates. Note that if the reptile defecates in the tub, it must be washed out, disinfected and another Betadine soak set up. Flush the wound area with fresh water before being placed back in the new bath.
Remove the reptile from the tub and flush the wound with fresh dilute Betadine.
At night, top the wound with triple antibiotic ointment (original ointment, pain relief free). Repeat for a week or until the wound is healing over.
If there is any sign of swelling which occurs after the bathing and treatment or such swelling does not abate after a week, the animal must be seen by an experienced reptile vet.
I have found antibiotic ointment works wonders for small wounds. Nose bumps/scrapes, etc! My gecko can't seem to shed properly. There's always stuck shed. What's the deal? First off, make sure they're using their moist hide right. Make sure you spray it consistently, especially when they start to get dull in color preparing to shed. Keep the moist hide half on, half on the heating pad at the very least. Hot and humid is far better than cold and humid when it comes to shedding! Also make sure you are supplementing your leopard gecko properly with multivitamins. As stated by BovieVei her gecko had problems shedding due to a Vitamin A deficiency! >Repeated bad sheds can also be attributed to vitamin a deficiency. My Leo recently had to go to the vet for it and got a vitamin a booster shot and it was so weird last time he shed because the skin came right off where he got the injection before anywhere else. (the rest of the shed was much better than usual too). Either way you need to get this poor baby to a vet. >Vitamin a deficiency can include lethargy and reduced appetite, bad sheds, lizard smegma (ew), and eye ulcers. So keep up those vitamins, folks! My gecko is big... is it a giant/super giant? Most likely? No, it is not. If it is not labeled as a giant/super giant or is from a pet store those chances are even lower. Giants are only giants if they hold the giant gene (which is specifically bred for and highly desired). Otherwise you just have yourself a large, impressive gecko which is pretty awesome anyway! Here's a good article written by member Professional_Gecko. What morph is my pet store/whatever gecko? Without genetics we can only give you a guess, especially with albinos. Albino strains are impossible to 100% positively identify through just looking at them. My gecko's eyes are different from a normal gecko's eyes? Leopard geckos have many different eye types other than the standard grey on normals. There's [full eclipse eyes](https://i.imgur.com/VBnqmv8.jpg), which are pure black, commonly seen on [super snows](https://i.imgur.com/rNI3fdJ.jpg), galaxies, and other eclipse morphs. Pure red eyes, commonly seen on morphs like [Raptors](https://i.imgur.com/0uxvGOH.jpg), [Radars](https://i.imgur.com/6sII6ur.jpg), and other albinos. There's [snake eyes](https://i.imgur.com/SeFd6JF.jpg) which are a variant of the eclipse eyes but they are eyes which have some solid pigment but are not completely solid. There's also [brown-reddish eyes](https://i.imgur.com/I0WAREx.jpg) that are common with enigmas. The albino strains (Tremper, Bell, Rainwater) have a wide variety of eye colors. What kinds of albinos are there? Tremper is the most popular albino strain. It is abundant compared to Bell and Rainwater (also sometimes called Las Vegas). Bells and Rainwaters tend to be more pricey because of this. Many have albino strain specific morphs. Raptors are Tremper specific while Radars are Bell specific. Firewaters are a Rainwater specific morph. Can I breed my two pet store geckos? I wouldn't recommend it. Mixing unknown genetics can be a risky business as there's so many genes you shouldn't cross. Gem, tug, and mack snows should never be crossed. Certain eye types should not be crossed. Albino genes cannot be crossed. Plus you don't know what other hets (genes) the gecko is carrying as they don't exhibit this outwardly. Not to mention selling the babies will be much harder (and you're going to have a ton of them. If you are going to breed, do it right by buying to geckos with known genetics!
My Dad Didn't Want Me To Cut The Thick Patch Of Grass
Before I really get into my story, there are some background details that you need to know. My father first and foremost is a very intelligent man. He had always been a thinker, he used math and statistics in his everyday life. He has to, he’s a building manager at a factory at the edge of my small town. But that’s beside the point. My point is that I have never known him to be a believer of the supernatural. He always used to tell me, “Son, there’s a logical solution to every problem. You may not see one, or it may take you time to come up with one but there’s one there.” As you can probably tell by now, I’m not a grown adult. I’ve just turned 19 and I’m only just now learning the true horrors that this world we live in truly has in store for us. No, I’m getting ahead of myself… I’ve been tormented by last night’s events all day now and I’m feeling so lost. I’m desperately hoping that, by getting this out to you, I’ll be able to sleep a little easier. I don’t really know why I think that sharing my story with you will make me feel better, it definitely won’t get rid of that creature outside my dark bedroom window… But it will tell a story when I’m gone. It will tell the truth of what happened. Anyways, back to the details… My father was in a four wheeler accident a few years back. He had been pulled into a side ditch one late autumn evening and the bike had rolled over top of him. He had knocked unconscious instantly. My tall, strong father was nearly crippled in one evening. It was absolutely devastating. But over the years he has healed to the point where he no longer needs to wear a neck brace everyday. My father is still able to walk and do most outdoor yard work activities that he always enjoyed, however with his now chronic back pain, sitting on the big lawn tractor to mow our 2 and a half acre yard for hours on end is, as you can imagine, difficult for him. “And that’s why I’ve had three, strong, young slaves- I mean children!” My father would tell me and my brothers as he finished giving us the, to do list for the day. His strong, yet soft and almost rhythmic voice always lessens my brother’s and my own agitation of the day’s to-do list growing ever so larger by each minute. He needed my brother’s help now more than ever, as I was headed off to university to pursue my life’s goals while my younger brothers were still in high school. But, due to the recent pandemic, my father had moved me back home with him. My younger brothers only come visit my dad for a week at a time, alternating visits with my mom. I am, however, a full time resident at my father’s, just to be clear. But once again, I am straying from the important details. My father had told me that, due to the rain in the forecast, I was to cut the grass shorter than normal and twice this week. Being out in the country had its benefits, as our neighbours couldn’t hear the loud roar of our riding lawn mower’s engine no matter how late we cut the grass. Again being in the country, there were large predatory animals that came out at night from coyotes and foxes to even sometimes bears. Due to this, my father did not allow anyone to go out late. My father walked with me along the property as he gave me pointers for when I was to cut the grass later that day. “This here, watch yourself,” My dad told me as he gently grabbed a hold of an outstretched tree branch. “This stuff is real sharp. Used to cut up my arms as I drove by. If I could get my chainsaw out, reckon I’d be able to cut up these sharp branches n’ get them outta the road.” He continued as we kept walking down to the edge of our property. “The problem with that is, it’s too damn heavy. Ain’t gonna do my back any good carrying my saw all the way down here, it’s too much work for what it’s worth…” He trailed off. The back of our property ends in a small river. In the more recent years the river would flood into our backyard in the summer and make it marsh-like. Because of the immense waterflood, my father would always be the one to cut the grass on the tractor down by the water, and he would only go where the ground was higher than the lower flooded ground. He’d always say that it was because the wet and soft ground was potentially damaging for the lawn mower or that there was a possibility of getting stuck and he didn’t want to try to push the lawn mower out of the marshy ground on his own. However, there was no flooding this year, and the lower grounded grass patches were quite large and overdue for a trim. I told dad that I would cut the whole area of the grass and get the tall and overgrown grass patches when I cut the grass. After all, it was only really about 5 or 6 inches longer than the rest of the grass. “No!” My dad instantly cut me off. I studied his nervous expression. “No, no we…” He started but took a long pause. “I’ve decided that we won't cut that patch of grass. I’m going to use the push mower for that.” He finished as though he wasn’t entirely certain if he would or wouldn’t. “You can’t, not with your back!” I was quick to respond. “Nobody wants any setbacks for you, and what if you hurt yourself all the way down here and nobody knows?” I jumped to the worst case conclusion. I’ve been told before that it’s something I’m really good at doing. “Plus, the lawn tractor is faster and so much easier…” I looked at him with concern but we didn’t return my gaze. He just kept staring into the overgrown patch of grass in question. Then he finally spoke. “Just… Just don’t worry about that okay? Just go around that… I don’t want you going in there… We don’t know what's in there…” He trailed off again, still staring. I assumed that he was talking about my allergies. I am allergic to most outdoor weeds and pollons so to my mind, it made sense as to why he would say those words in such a way. He was genuinely concerned. “Come on now. Let’s go back up to the house. I’ve got some things I want to get done before work.” Not wanting to cut the grass in the heat of the day, I procrastinated my chore until after dinner one evening. I went outside and pulled open the large white garage door. Sitting down on the orange lawn mower, I popped my air pods in and put on my noise cancelling headphones. I began my music at full blast, turned the key to the ignition and felt the vibrations of the lawn tractor kicking to life. Even on the loudest volume setting I could still hear the faint thudding of the engine in the background of The Fray’s How To Save A Life. I put the machine in gear and rode it down our driveway and behind our large red brick house. The cool 6pm breeze ever so slightly blowing my long shaggy hair away from my face. That day was painfully hot earlier and suddenly now, I nearly needed a sweater and track pants. Great. I thought. I’m gonna freeze to death before I get this done. The blades of the lawn tractor roared louder than the engine as I turned them on and began cutting. About an hour into my grass cutting playlist, my phone vibrated violently in my pocket. Someone was texting me. My phone read “Big Sir”. That’s dad, I thought to myself. I parked the tractor, put a pause on my music and flipped the blade switch to the off setting. “It’s getting late son, how’s it going?” My father had texted me from work. “I think I can finish in just about an hour” I replied. I waited for him to respond. Seconds later his message came through. “Be careful ‘round the outside with the trees. Don’t want you to get scratched up” I smiled at his concern and wished him luck with the rest of his shift at work. He’ll be happy that he won't have to cut the far end, I thought to myself. I had full intentions on disobeying my father and cutting the overgrown patch anyway. I’d rather get a runny nose and be sneezing all night than him cut it and hurt his back again. I should have listened to him. I rode around the backyard jamming out to my music and enjoying the slightly chilly night sky. The moonlight illuminated my pathway in between the tall oak trees. I was really enjoying the quiet evening alone to myself, it was peaceful. After about another 15 minutes of cutting, I came to the uncut patch of grass that my dad told me not to cut. It was a large circular shape near the far corner of my property, close to a large cluster of trees. The overall patch was a deep green colour, thriving from being so close to the river only a few feet away from the trees behind the grass. I slowly advanced the lawn tractor towards the grass patch. Suddenly my music glitched and began blasting loud static in my ears. Just as suddenly as it started, it stopped completely. I shifted the tractor into park and whipped out my phone. As I was reloading my playlist, I paused. I felt very uneasy, as if someone or something was watching me. I looked around the yard and in between the trees. The strong and bright moonlight providing me with an excellent view around me, but that didn’t settle me down. I took off my earmuffs and pulled out my ear buds. It was absolutely dead silent around me. There were absolutely no animals hopping around. No tree branches cracking. No crickets or cicadas chirping. The only thing that I could hear was the rhythmic thumping of what I quickly realized was my heart beating. I decided to quickly finish cutting the grass and head back to the house, trying my best to brush off my anxiety. I continued my playlist and started up the tractor. The engine roared back to life and I circled back around, quickly cutting the grass patch and rode the riding lawn mower back up towards the house. Unease ever so apparent, I hurried up the driveway and backed the lawnmower into the garage. I quickly closed the large, white garage door by hand and rushed towards the front door of the house. Again, my music became very loud and suddenly cut out. I pulled out my ear buds and stuffed them into my pockets while scrambling towards the door. I stopped dead in my tracks and froze. My whole being screaming at me to just lunge towards the door and sprint inside, but I didn’t. I felt something staring right at me. Goosebumps formed on my arms. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Through the trees to the left of my house, about 10 feet from the front door and where I stood was a large shadow. This massive thing had to be about 7 feet tall. It had this muscular outline to it. It’s skin… no… It’s fur reflected a white shimmer of the moonlight through the trees. It’s head was long and oval shaped but that’s all that I could make out. I knew that, though I couldn’t see it’s eyes, it was staring right back at me. Into my eyes. Into my soul. In that moment, I knew exactly what it knew… That I was it’s prey. The shadowy creature was so still that, had it not been for the moonlight reflecting off it’s fur, I wouldn’t be able to tell if it was alive or not. It could have passed off as a shadowy patch of boulders on a cloudy night. Perhaps an oddly piled stack of wood that my dad and brothers had been working on the day before. But this creature was not anything of that sort. It was alive. It was hunting. But this wasn’t a hungry animal. This wasn’t a predator looking to bring food back to its young. This was all for sport. No, no this was… personal… The hate that radiated from that creature was pure. Immense even. It was watching me… It wanted to know how to get inside. I knew that the creature was watching me to find out how to get inside. It wanted inside with me. I honestly doubt that the creature would fit in the front hallway, it was too large. What felt like hours had passed before, suddenly, my music kicked back on in full volume. Because I had disconnected my headphones while jamming them into my pockets moments earlier, the speakers on my phone blasted at full volume. The creature heaved in it’s chest and let out an ear shattering cry. It leaned forwards as it’s mouth opened at a near full 180 degree angle. And the sound was so, so very very horrible. It began as a low growl, almost like a thundering sky and a high pitched woman’s wailing sort of sound slowly could be heard joining into the sound. The thunderous growl cut out at some point and the screech wailing continued. It almost sounded like scratching a fork on a ceramic plate or dragging fingernails across a chalkboard before suddenly cutting out completely. It propelled itself forward with its bulky arms shoving the ground and flew towards me. I threw my phone across the driveway and away from the front of the house, hoping that the creature would go after the sounds and rushed inside the front door, locking it behind me. I instantly regretted throwing my phone away because we no longer had any landline phones. I was in terrible danger and had no way of calling for help. The creature didn’t even follow the sound, seconds after I had locked the door it had slammed into the front door and began pounding it’s arms and head against it. As if it would help my situation, I pressed my body against the front door. Every time the creature slammed it’s weight into the door, I felt the vibrations. I was surprised that the door was still holding but hey, I definitely didn’t have any complaints. I rushed away from the door and decided hiding was my best bet. I scrambled through the hallway and past the small kitchen, grabbed a fistfull of steak knives and continued past the kitchen and down the bedroom hallway towards my room. Seeking security in my bedroom, I shoved my dresser in front of my door and closed my curtains then leaped into my closet and curled up into a ball. My adrenaline was wearing off and I began to cry. I clutched the knives hard in my hand and regretted throwing my phone away. I debated quite a few times hopping out my window and trying to sneak outside and around the house to grab my phone but, seeing the speed and power of the creature first hand, I decided against it. The menacing pounding on the front door was a constant reminder of my near death experience. And it was a constant reminder of the nightmarish monster haunting me. At random intervals, in between the banging on the door, the creature would howl it’s banshee shrieking cry. Everytime it would screech, I would get flashes of it’s image in my mind. The dark and shiny fur, it’s large bulky figure, it’s inhumanly long arms with cleavers for claws and the oval shaped head with it’s unhinged mouth. I’ll never be able to forget those images. All at once, the pounding stopped. It was as if the creature had disappeared. Silence was in this moment now the scariest sound to me. I couldn’t tell if the monster had just stopped or given up entirely. I had wondered if this was a trap for me. Was this being smart enough to set a trap? To bait me out using my own curiosity? I didn’t dare move from my sanctuary. My heart rapidly banging against my chest, every breath I took was an unsteady and long inhale followed by a short and nearly wheeze like exhale. Being alone and trapped for what seemed to be hours gave me plenty of time to reflect. Firstly, this creature either somehow had been living in the small patch of grass that my father wanted me to avoid or it had some sort of connection to it. Perhaps it had a nest buried in the grass? In anycase, this creature was enraged, no... It was filled with pure hatred because of my actions. The other thing that I had come to realize is that, while this creature is near, it affects electronic devices negatively. Some sort of energy that it emits from it’s mere presence can disable electronics? I’m not sure how it works entirely, however I do speculate that this creature caused the disruption to my phone and AirPods earlier that evening. I have no way of proving this, but I do believe that this entity is capable of distorting time or perhaps slowing time while it is on earth, as hours seemed to pass by without any sign of the sun rising while I was hiding. At some point, without me realizing, the creature had stopped trying to break down the front door. After about an hour of consistent silence, I had begun to believe that the being had retreated back to whatever hell it crawled out of. Holding the biggest and sharpest of the steak knives I had collected, I cautiously made my way out of my closet and towards my bedroom window overlooking the backyard. I carefully positioned myself behind the curtains and peered out my window. The moonlight shone over the clearing in the woods that was my backyard. At first I looked around the perimeter of the backyard, scanning the trees quickly as the branches slowly swayed in the wind. Then a large figure’s movement caught my attention from my peripheral vision. It was there. The creature was standing in the middle of my backyard. How could I have missed it? The being was suddenly more apparent than before. It had it’s head lowered and close to the ground, almost as if it were a large dog sniffing out any squirrels or rabbits that may be nearby. It was looking for my scent. For me. The creature’s long black fur shone in the moonlight as it continued it’s search for me. The being was very large and it’s upper body broad and muscular, like that of a weight lifting bodybuilder. It’s arms were long and similarly muscular with it’s long and skinny cleaver like claws protruding from it’s hairy paws. This creature did not appear to have any hind legs, instead it’s body ended in a very long tail. The tail of this creature started from where I would guess it’s waist would have been and made up about two thirds of the creature’s entire length. From the base of the creature’s neck were small spikes, presumably bone, protruding from it’s back and lead along it’s spine and to the end of it’s tail. The head of this demonic entity was easily the most nightmare inducing imagery that I have ever had the unfortunate luck of bearing witness to. It was an oversized skull of a canid creature. No hair or even flesh covered the skull. It’s bottom jaw was exposed as well. It’s teeth were barely discernible from the skull itself and two large fangs stuck out from it’s top jaw. The monster had dark, empty, hollow pits where it’s eyes should have been. It’s nose was an empty cavern of darkness. It’s mouth seemed to be agap at all times. I gasped, but ever so slightly. At first, I didn’t even realize that my terror and shock was audible, however the predator definitely heard it’s prey. The creature had, in an instant, whirled it’s head around at an unnatural angle and stared deep into my eyes. I knew this thing could see me. I knew it was watching me. There was no point in running or hiding anymore. All I could do was watch as this being brought one arm in front of the other and crawled it’s way towards my bedroom window, it’s tail excitedly wagging behind it. No, that's not right. It’s tail wasn’t wagging, it was more like… A snake's tail. The entity's tail appeared to be assisting it traverse. The thing picked up speed as it’s jaws unhinged and it let out yet another ear piercing cry. I winced in pain and covered my ears, dropping my knives. I cursed myself for my mistake and bolted for my bed across my room. Not the smartest idea, I know, but in the moment my flight reaction took over. I scrambled under my bed and lay quiet. The loud slam into the side of the house indicated that the being was here. I fully expected the monster to smash through my window and tear me apart, however that never happened. I cringed as I imagined my death by the hands of that creature in hundreds of different ways, fast and slow, painful and quick but still, after what felt to be hours, nothing else happened. Perhaps the creature killed itself when it rammed into the wall of the house? No that… thing probably can’t die… Well maybe the being is nocturnal and is returning back to it’s home? No… It's still very dark outside… Did the creature give up on trying to kill me? Don’t be ridiculous, that monster had a deep, personal vengeance that it wanted to get by killing me. And then I heard it. At first, I wasn’t sure what to make of the sound. It was fast, gentle and quiet. The sound repeated, it was a tapping sound. The creature was tapping, ever so gently against my window. Was this an attempt for it to try to get me to come out of hiding? The tapping became almost rhythmic, it was letting me know that it knew I was in here. I reached a shaking hand out from under my bed and pulled my IPad towards me from the bottom shelf of my nightstand. You may be wondering why I haven't used my IPad to call or text my father or get a hold of the police, right? Well believe me, if my IPad still worked well enough for me to do so, I definitely would have. Instead I’ve decided to type this out and hopefully leave a log of the events as a warning. Even now, as I type this out, the tapping is becoming more furious. Did the glass just crack a little? Wait… there’s another one?
Hi, I'm Craig and this is my story... I'm currently a college student, or should I say was a college student. I've had to drop out because I gambled my student loan money and wasn't able to afford classes. I'm incredibly ashamed at my stupidity, but I deserve it...I brought it on myself due to arrogance that I could make consistent money on sports betting. I've always been an A+ student and had a 4.0 as a double major in Finance and Accounting. I nerd out on statistics and particularly enjoy sports. I played football growing up and have always followed the game closely. I would place bets through a friend in high school, but these were always really small amounts. $5-10 was the usual and $20 was the largest wager ever. It made watching the games more fun and I actually won more than I lost (probably a bad thing in hindsight). When I got to college this friend introduced me to offshore casinos and it opened up a whole new world. I continued to bet football games my freshman year and again consistently made money. In fact, there was only one weekend I lost money that year and it was due to a bullshit call. I was also working a minimum wage job during this time to try and earn money while going to school. My parents were great, but we didn't come from money and I was trying to minimize my debt due to a heavy student loan burden. It blew my mind that I could make more money placing bets than I would in an entire week of work, so naturally I wanted to double down. Things went well at first, but then football season ended. I didn't want to wait until the fall so I started experimenting with basketball bets. Unfortunately, I didn't know nearly as much about the game/teams/players and didn't spend proper time researching. I just started betting. Immediately it went poorly. I started losing and then the worst thing of all is that I chased my losses. Pretty soon I lost all of my wins from football season and was starting to dip into limited savings. Well my sports gambling continued to get worse. I began gambling on anything even games like tennis and cricket that I know nothing about. I didn't really go into much debt until I decided to use my student loans as a bankroll. Probably the dumbest decision ever as I started panicking and chasing losses right away. Now my parents are furious with me and I have no idea how I will pay the bills and get back to school. I'm such an idiot with my money despite doing well in school...If you're reading this please let my story be a warning of how terrible this disease can be. -Craig I hope Craig's story helped you like it helped me...If you enjoyed this you can sign up for The Gambler's Fallacy, a weekly email sharing stories of problem gambling to raise awareness and provide inspiration on the road to recovery. If you would like to share your story in a future email please DM me!
My long-winded, obsessive battle with American Cockroaches
I'm prepping a new house to move into after I get married in a few months, and the place is a fixer-upper. The problem is that 2-inch long, barely-twitching corpses started popping up, and then one popped up in the shower one day, except it wasn't a corpse yet. Prior to that, I'd already sprayed the perimeter of my house, which is brick, was 60s-built, is about 1200 square feet, has an unfinished basement that's the same size, and is sitting on less than an acre of land in a rough neighborhood, in a rough city, in good ol' North Carolina. After I dealt with shower-roach, I laid out 8 group-killing, egg-killing, food traps: One in each bathroom, one in the kitchen, and the remaining 5 in the basement. I sprayed once more after a few weeks, when we had a bad rain, and when I found and squished a bad-smelling camel-cricket near a basement hairline fracture. When I sprayed this time, I also sprayed the outer perimeter of the property, which may have been a mistake. A week or two later, last night, I was woken up by a call from my fiance, who told me a roach flew into her face and around her ear, waking her up and frankly shattering all perception of peace and security in her world. I drove out 30 minutes from my apartment, killed the flier in her room, then immediately found at least 2 more in the adjacent bathroom. I saw one in the topless vanity, and tried to get at it with a broom, but I lost it. I immediately found two roaches (I hope one was the same fella I initially lost) standing backside-to-backside right under the exposed sink drain, about a foot away from where I'd lost sight of vanity-roach. They were both preoccupied with each other, and didn't move when I slid the vanity away from them to smack them with my broom and stomp them before they could escape anywhere. I'm livid and discouraged. My living-roach counter went from 1 to 4 in one night, my sweetheart is a nervous wreck, I've essentially switched homes with her, and I've found and swept up 3 more half-living carcasses, apart from the 3 healthy roaches I killed last night, bringing my total to roughly 14 confirmed kills in about 3 months. They've all been the same size, I assume they're all full-grown, and while I haven't seen any eggs or nymphs, I'm betting that those seeds have been sown. I just got finished rigging the house. On the main floor, there's now boric acid spread around every floor register, vent, around the two beds, and my loveseat. I sprayed liberally in before-untouched spaces, crevices, and places where I imagined that a roach could find respite on the house's interior...even a bit in the attic, and where my knees broke through the ceiling when I installed a bathroom fan/light awhile back. I also duct-taped over the exposed sink-drains, and powdered them. Every light in the house is on in what might be a vain or even ill-advised attempt to accustom any hiding roach to light so that I've a better chance of killing them in the daytime. I wrote off bombing the rooms, because I read that it was relatively ineffective against roaches and where they like to hide. I tried to get rid of all the cardboard in the house, but there are still unpacked boxes and nowhere to put their contents. I'm also unnerved by the few clothes on hangers, and exposed bedding. I don't know if washing them will do any good, or if wrapping mattresses in cling wrap or tying up clothes in garbage bags will be pointless. I don't want eggs laid in exposed fabric, but then again, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm still going to hire an exterminator, but if anyone has read all of this, and might know what to do, or can give me any direction, or even any reassurance, it'd mean the world to me. I'm open to questions and discussion. Thank you so much. Extraneous Details: •I believe these to be American Cockroaches; 2 inches long, little variance in their dark mahogany color, little variance in size, long and oval-shaped, and some, if not all of them, can fly. •The house used to be routinely sprayed under contract between a landlord and pest company, which ended months prior to sale. •Termite infestation occurred 10 years ago on one wall of the house where front door and porch are located, but almost no activity has happened on this side of the house. This wall was shoddily redone at that time. •There are two hairline fractures in basement cinderblocks that let in water during heavy rain. Working to improve guttedownspout drainage has improved, but not solved this problem. It's been raining almost every day. Neighborhood houses are more than 20 feet apart. •Recently had vinyl, snap-together flooring with rubber footing installed over the existing, damaged hardwood throughout the entire main floor. Almost all main-floor walls are painted with vinyl-based paint. •Wood furniture is currently being stored in the basement, as well as an additional reclining loveseat. I'm going to spread boric acid around it all immediately. •The outdoor soil is red and clay-heavy. The property is a corner lot with fair drainage, city water, and city sewer connections. Few trees, many bushes, and an unkempt natural area along the front porch. Dogwood trees, hydrangeas, azaleas, lilies. Garden of uniform mystery-vegetation out back. Probably unrelated. •"Hot Shot" boric acid. "Ortho: Home Defense" insect killer spray. "Combat" roach traps. •No corpses or observed activity in kitchen whatsoever, where a dehumidifier is almost constantly running. Only 3 total corpses have been found upstairs, all within 1.5 feet of a floor register and 2 feet of a window. •The lawn could stand to be mowed, but it's currently only 2 inches higher than it should be at its highest. •Home has a custom gas log fireplace, but no activity has occurred anywhere near it. •No food has been left out whatsoever. •Home has several cast-iron drainage pipes which are visible in the basement through ceiling paneling. •No fans were running in the master bedroom last night, at the time of the aforementioned event. Usually 3, including the ceiling fan, are running. •Home has poor-efficiency HVAC, and stays at around 80°F on warm days. Probably unrelated. •Can't think of anything else right now; going to go sleep in car •Friday, 8/21/20, 8:00AM update: I've checked through the entire house, upstairs and down, and found only one new roach carcass downstairs. Was a lighter color and significantly shorter (1 1/4 of an inch long, roughly) than ones I've found before. Thrilling. Turning lights off for now. •Friday, 8/21/20, 7:00PM update: found an older carcass, didn't twitch and broke into dust after it was stepped on. It had a small, gray pebble attached to its leg that also broke into dust. I'm not convinced that it was an egg sac. Kill-counter at 16. •Sunday, 8/23/20, 1:30PM update: all quiet on the eastern front. •Monday, 8/24/20, 8:00PM update: marking as resolved for now. A wonderful Orkin Professional came by, and she saw nothing but a baby copperhead while spraying, baiting, and doing her thing. I'd rather stick my hand in a copperhead's mouth or punch a hornet's nest than see a roach in my home again...alive or dead. Thank you to all who've read and commented. TLDR: I see roaches in my nightmares, plz help
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HOME The Entire Bee Movie Script Bee Movie Script - Dialogue Transcript According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello?
Oan you believe this is happening?
I can't. I'll pick you up.
Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here.
You got lint on your fuzz.
Ow! That's me!
Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.
Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!
Is that fuzz gel?
A little. Special day, graduation.
Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different.
Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.
Hear about Frankie?
You going to the funeral?
No, I'm not going.
Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances.
Well, Adam, today we are men.
Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times.
Wonder what it'll be like?
A little scary.
Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey!
That girl was hot.
She's my cousin!
Yes, we're all cousins.
Right. You're right.
At Honex, we constantly strive
to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology.
What do you think he makes?
Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman.
What does that do?
Oatches that little strand of honey
that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out.
Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!
I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back.
You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!
I wonder where they were.
I don't know.
Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two.
Oouple of Hive Harrys.
Let's have fun with them.
It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me!
I never thought I'd knock him out.
What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow.
Six miles, huh?
A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it.
Maybe I am.
You are not!
We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in?
Well, there's a lot of choices.
But you only get one.
Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey!
Barry, you are so funny sometimes.
I'm not trying to be funny.
You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer!
You're gonna be a stirrer?
No one's listening to me!
Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud.
We're starting work today!
Today's the day.
Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal...
Is it still available?
Hang on. Two left!
One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side.
What'd you get?
Picking crud out. Stellar!
Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice.
You want to go first?
No, you go.
Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think.
Any chance of getting the Krelman?
Sure, you're on.
I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you?
I'm going out.
Out? Out where?
I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys.
Look at that.
Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?
Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that.
You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada!
And a reminder for you rookies,
bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check.
Nectar pack, check.
Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector!
Ever see pollination up close?
I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem!
This could be bad.
Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers.
Should we tell him?
I think he knows.
What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car!
He's back here!
He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.
Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?
Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.
You could put carob chips on there.
Supposed to be less calories.
I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry.
Yes, I know.
You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird.
I'm talking with a bee.
I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now.
Wait! How did you learn to do that?
The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.
That's very funny.
Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.
It's just coffee.
I hate to impose.
Don't be ridiculous!
Actually, I would love a cup.
Hey, you want rum cake?
No, I can't.
I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.
These stripes don't help.
You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel.
My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.
My only interest is flowers.
Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once.
Why do girls put rings on their toes?
It's like putting a hat on your knee.
Maybe I'll try that.
You all right, ma'am?
Oh, yeah. Fine.
Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb.
All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute.
It was amazing!
It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy.
Do they try and kill you, like on TV?
Some of them. But some of them don't.
How'd you get back?
You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal.
Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish?
A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!
No, no, no, not a wasp.
I'm not attracted to spiders.
I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law.
Her name's Vanessa.
She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that?
They call it a crumb.
It was so stingin' stripey!
And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat!
You know what a Oinnabon is?
It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa!
We're still here.
I told you not to yell at him.
He doesn't respond to yelling!
Then why yell at me?
Because you don't listen!
I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go.
Where are you going?
I'm meeting a friend.
A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah.
What is wrong with you?!
It's a bug.
He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science.
I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.
What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select?
Is he that actor?
I never heard of him.
Why is this here?
For people. We eat it.
You don't have enough food of your own?
How do you get it?
Bees make it.
I know who makes it!
And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing!
It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector.
You almost done?
He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma.
He really is dead.
All right. Uh-oh!
What is that?!
A wiper! Triple blade!
Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs!
Moose blood guy!!
You hear something?
Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours.
Bees hang tight.
We're all jammed in.
It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own.
What if you get in trouble?
You a mosquito, you in trouble.
Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee!
I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead.
Oheck out the new smoker.
Oh, sweet. That's the one you want.
The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans.
Talking to humans?!
He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not.
You wish you could.
Whose side are you on?
The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye!
That would hurt.
Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung.
Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble.
And I'm Jeanette Ohung.
A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here.
Is that that same bee?
Yes, it is!
I'm helping him sue the human race.
This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help.
How many sugars?
Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers.
Oh, those just get me psychotic!
Yeah, me too.
Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit.
This lawsuit's a pretty big deal.
You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade.
What's the matter?
I don't know, I just got a chill.
Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you?
I couldn't hear you.
Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me.
Where have I heard it before?
I was with a band called The Police.
But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?!
Order in this court!
You're all thinking it!
Order! Order, I say!
Mr. Liotta, please sit down!
I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello.
I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games.
Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush!
Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers
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